Devising Journal #11

Our full run happened.

I was reasonably off-script at this stage, with changes still being made at the last minute which threw me off. Before the seminar, we had been doing several final rounds of rehearsal - cleaning things up, working through the blocking of Split Up and adjusting lines to fit our new interpretation. Honestly, devising is so alluring and yet challenging because of its sheer flexibility. Everything could be changed. We are not actors bound by the script and the direction. We can make changes, shift things around, change up our set, and really go all the way with every single aspect of the theatre, and somehow having that level of control can cause things to feel even more complex. Right now, all I wished for was some semblance of order, some knowledge that next week's performance would be fine.

I know that at some point in this lifetime someone relevant is going to stumble on this blog and say, god damn you Jade, why did you have to reveal all of this when you can just write a short, sterile and politically correct journal entry that does not compromise anybody? But all I want to do is to speak my experience creating theatre. Because it was real, raw, it really hurt waking up and texting a classmate at 3AM about "what. should. we. do???" while blinking tears away from my eyes, because I care so much. And this process - the last 11 weeks - the bitterness, the sweetness, the love, the imaginations, the moments, the ugliness, the memories. Everything added up to the one production we put together, and the journey which has changed my life for the better. I still love theatre. I really do. Despite everything, I adore my classmates, every single one of them, even the ones whom I momentarily felt frustrated with or who made me feel less than.

I just think that our life and career has only begun, and now is the time to make connections (defined as real bonds and friendships), not enemies. And so it is important to me that I do the little things. A pat on the shoulder, a hug, a soft "break a leg" to everyone before every run, snacks for everyone during breaks, long affirming messages. Because other than the production, I realized over the last few days that the ensemble is my family and it is way more important to still be together after everything. 

Our ensemble was whole - all nine of us - for the first time in many weeks, and the tension gripped us throughout the day because after the events of the previous week, it has become difficult for us to interact with each other like before. Still, I tried to keep a little bit of hope that this too shall pass, and that we can bring the peace and harmony back. Eventually.

For this session, I spent most of my time working on diction and embodiment, while breaking actor-person habits. Because of my hearing loss, I have a tendency to mispronounce several consonants and that is something I have been working on. Years of dance training have also caused me to develop a natural habit of walking on my toes instead of heels first, which is something that at least three teachers have told me so far. For the sake of this performance, I had spent hours walking around everywhere, chanting "heel ball toe" to myself just so I can develop a normal walking pattern for once. I did my best to pay close attention to the blocking and the positions of everyone on stage so that all of this would be muscle memory by the time Week 12 rolled around.

For today, I got comments on the costume design - it was too flowy, unstructured and too difficult to walk around in. In terms of characterization, it was better if we had something that could show Xiao Qing's masculine energy - and something for Bai Suzhen to morph into by the end of the play. Kim offered to bring her white pants during the next few rehearsals so that we can work on a pared down design that satisfies all of those criteria.

EXTRA:

During our 1st Nov Rehearsal one day before the show, we managed to get all our technical elements in order. I also developed a new style for the lighting which I was so happy with. Here is an early sample of what it looked like under the green shawl:

Image: Shi Han

I confirmed the final costume layout in the following text message to the class:

Tomorrow we would have a few more full dress rehearsals, and then we present our work-in-progress.