I got into a 4-year BFA program. And I rejected it.

I got into the London College of Music.

I got into the London College of Music.

I got into the London College of Music... holy effing shit.

I was trembling. I had one thousand and one different emotions about doing a foundation year and doing 5 years of undergraduate studies but deep in my heart, I already know that the answer was a resounding YES.

Just two weeks ago I was feeling completely drained from that no from Lasalle.

I could not motivate myself to get up, I hit a total dry spell, I did not feel like acting. That was the worst feeling ever. Now I feel like I just skyrocketed into pure happiness.

Well, now I have to consider the next obstacle. The money.

I sat on it for a couple of days. I was so excited and ready to get things going. I raised funds, began sending out applications for more tutoring jobs, asked my friends in London for tips on accommodation and employment, immediately researched on visa requirements and scholarships.

And then I realized that I can't do this. Two hundred thousand dollars out of pocket is a massive sum, and people go into debt every day for school, but I should know better. I already have a government-funded place here in NUS. I have an actual possibility of obtaining a bond-free scholarship while I'm here, while tapping on local funds to create start-ups, to try making short films and to gain work experience as a freelancer. All of that are opportunities that I have and financially, it just makes total sense to stay.

Yeah, it was a total emotional rollercoaster with tons of false flags and midnight realizations and "what if I tried this?" but in the end, like a rapidly deflating balloon, I knew this dream was over for now.

So, what's next?

I know I skipped a good couple of steps here, but I've had a few weeks to process that (1) I am good enough for a conservatory and (2) I no longer want to go to a conservatory for my first undergraduate degree. However, this has nothing to do with my eventual goal. I still want to make it as an actor. It's just that my pathway will now look a little different. Once again, I am going to have to plan everything from scratch.

The last 7 months have taught me so much about what theatre programs are looking for in their students, and how I can come back stronger in the industry someday. My new plan is to finish strong in NUS, get a Theatre Studies degree, and then get my graduate actor training at one of the conservatoires in the UK, or a fully-funded acting MFA from the USA. I even did my research:

Musical Theatre:

• Royal Central - 1 year MA (£21817)
• Royal Academy - 1 year MA/PgCert (£20200)
• Mountview - 1 year MA (£21515)
• Guildford - 1 year MA (£20600)
• Royal Conservatoire - 1 year MA (£23601)
• Leeds Conservatoire - 1 year MA (£18300)
• Royal Welsh - 1 year MA (£23811)

Acting:

• David Geffen (Yale) - 3 year MFA (fully funded)
• Florida State - 3 year MFA (fully funded)
• Northwestern - 3 year MFA (fully funded)
• CWRU - 3 year MFA (fully funded)
• Tennessee - 3 year MFA (fully funded)
• Old Globe San Diego - 2 year MFA (fully funded)
• North Carolina - 3 year MFA (fully funded)
• Brown - 3 year MFA (fully funded)

As you can see, my logic is: If it's not musical theatre and not free, it's not worth it.

Right. Now we have a new goal, I'll lay out my plan for the next 3 years.

I now know how important vocal coaching is, and at long last I have committed to actual singing lessons. I think this is the single best thing I have ever done for my acting career, because I took my first lesson last Friday and... what the hell? The fact that we had so much to cover, and I have so much that I still do not understand about my voice, that makes me want to learn all I can.

That. Said. Voice lessons are expensive, I'm currently going through them at $360 a month, and if I ever want two hours a week... woah, the cost though. Furthermore, I'm also looking into jazz dance lessons and a few acting intensives, in and out of NUS. While I have some support from my parents as well as the kind people who insisted I keep their pledged donations (from the LCM fundraiser) for my actor training, I know this will be an ongoing issue that I will have to keep working on. I will be putting my part-time funds and whatever I can earn towards that cause. My end goal is to be a proficient triple threat by the time I graduate from NUS so that I can leap straight into the MA in Musical Theatre.

Summer has descended upon me since I have finished my last examination in Political Science (yes you heard right). Next semester, I intend to go all out with the performing arts modules - because why wouldn't I? The prospect of working on my craft in as many areas and aspects as I can sounds like heaven. So next semester's lineup: TS2240 Voice Studies and Production, YHU2319 Acting I, SE2224 Introduction to Dance in Southeast Asia, MUT1201 Introduction to Classical Music Composition, and either a core class, or perhaps I'll try German. Did I say I intend to go all out? Yes, I really did. Next semester will be lit.

Furthermore, I have been seriously considering a side career in programming and web development. I'm planning for it to be a concurrent freelance job alongside my performing arts pursuits, and it will fill in the gaps for when I need cash for another training session. There's not much of an alternative when it comes to this industry, it's either you live long enough to see the opportunity arrive, or you leave just before it happens to you. I choose the former.

I'm getting interested in other aspects of theatre, including playwriting and music composition as well - it gives me joy to write, and to sing my own song and turn it into magic on stage would be such a gift. Of course, I do not expect it to be easy at all. Life simply does not give us enough time to experience it all, but at least I am going for it and doing what I can. And hopefully that is enough.