Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know

 

PART ONE:

I never thought there would be a day when I'm ready enough to say this.

The last two weeks, I've been incredibly busy. I'm sorry I missed my post schedule last week, but I'm here to tell you about everything that has happened.

First one - I decided to make my move at last. Next year, I will apply to transfer into a BFA program for musical theatre. I've held back long enough, and after going back and forth continuously (and as recently as my last post I was pushing the idea away), it occurred to me that I can no longer live in denial of what I want to do. The Otter God's words ring true in my ears: I will move mountains to pursue my one true path, and it's a path I'm willing to carve out for myself even if it does not exist. I secured an agent to the UK for myself and then submitted my academic transcripts and passport details. I asked the Otter God, rather apologetically, for referee letters to fill in my UCAS application, and to my relief, he said yes. It was happening, it was official. I was going to audition for the world's most renowned conservatories, and I had made my intentions known to the people who endlessly rooted for me.

And deep down, I may never run away from my ESTP personality type. I'm afraid of failing my investors and telling them, "I'm sorry, I didn't get in." Worse, "I got in, but I can't afford it so I rejected my place." I'm petrified of the what-ifs that might descend on me, but a risk is a risk. I had tossed myself into this whirlwind, and it was about time I owned it. I had to give it a try, especially when the opportunities were coming my way, I had to at least be bold for myself. An ESTP fears the unknowns of life, but paradoxically throws themselves right into the moment. Well, we never said that being human would be easy.

This week, I auditioned for a role on national television. I don't know how it happened. I really only sent in my picture for an extra role. I just wanted to get a few dollars on set and to spend my time wisely. And suddenly, I was in the running for a U-5 role on national television. Never mind what people say about Singapore's national television, and never mind that I only had two lines as a non-recurring day player. Last year, I was a nobody who did not even know Stanislavski from Strasberg. I'm a teenager (yeah, nineteen is still a teen right?) with no formal training in acting, and I'm auditioning for a role which would be seen by people across Singapore and Johor. The very idea excites and terrifies me at the same time. This is not a big break in acting by any measure, but it's my first real professional job, and I feel so much awe at how much is possible if only we would put the work in. (UPDATE: I filmed the part. Still feels surreal.)

PART TWO:

This part only exists because the post had been sitting in my drafts for nearly a month now. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I have been incredibly busy. As the auditions come in, I'm ramping up on my triple threat training and doing whatever I can to work on my craft as a musical theatre performer. I'm currently learning classical and contemporary monologues, going through the different genres of musical theatre songs, working on my jazz technique for musical theatre class and so on.

I'd love to come back to this blog a lot more often than I currently can, but soon! The worst will be over in about a month. And hopefully, with some luck, I'll be in drama school next academic year. Pray.