Mid Year Review (Part 2)

This is a continuation of the previous post! If you haven't seen the first instalment about jobs and finances, you can check it out here.

If we had to use a single word to define the last 1.5 years, I'd say it's "pandemic". The pandemic has affected us all in so many crazy ways, ruined so many lives and dreams, and to this day we are still trying to keep afloat of everything that has been happening. This week is a magnificent case in point. The epic reversal of the 5-person dining in rule, which will last all of 7 days, came after a supercluster of COVID-19 cases was discovered in KTV lounges across Singapore. So, perfect! We're back to tight dining restrictions. And naturally, live theatre will be affected too - so much for all the effort we've been putting in to stay socially distanced and masked up.

At the same time, I have to give some credit to the massive disruption that the pandemic caused. Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun, the lockdown gave me a chance to seriously look at what I wanted to do with my life: Was I satisfied with the paper chase, or could I reach for something I truly enjoy? At that point in March 2020, I was a huge fan of orchestral music and I had just started listening to Idina Menzel, but I knew nothing about acting or Broadway. Acting at that point was a mysterious art - do people go crazy when they do method acting? Do you have to be born into a rich and well-connected family in New York City or Los Angeles to be an actor? I was among one of millions with a dream derided as foolish and impossible by the more practical majority in our society.

That period felt like a trance, but I still remember researching over and over the possible routes and training programs available to me, working with whatever material I had, and attempting every trick in the book to build connections. The Actors Network (Now the "Creatives Community") and the Singapore Film and Theatre Lab were both born from that same fire, that desire to build something from absolutely nothing and to give myself the best possible shot at success. One community at a time, I learned on the job and made many new friends along the way. I barely had a plan when I started, my vision was simply to build everything from scratch and to make waves big enough to get noticed. It feels like just yesterday, acting to me was some mysterious cult practice meant only for the scions of the Illuminati. Today feels so different, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am seriously so glad that 18-year-old me took that leap of faith and brought me to where I am today.

I just have so much to say about how this journey has taken me to so many experiences which I derive real joy from. Prior to the pandemic, I was unsure if I wanted to be a writer or a translator. Both jobs involved sitting in front of a screen for hours a day hammering away on a keyboard. Both were crafts that I was decent at, and I did enjoy doing it, but it lacked that... monumental energy that I inwardly craved. That instinct helped me to immediately connect with the craft of acting, even though I didn't exactly understand why I loved it so much. My teacher put a word to it - he figured out that I was an ESTP type, and that my first element was extraverted sensing: To put it simply, I needed that spontaneity.

And he was right. It felt like the missing piece to my puzzle had finally found its place, and everything just clicked for me. Day by day, the more I understood what the craft of acting was about, the more I fell in love with it. From blindly submitting for student films and making it into my first shoot, I began to understand how auditions worked and the conventions of the industry. I dedicated time every morning before school started, an hour and a half each day, to thumbing through advice and tips for young actors while listening to Broadway bootlegs and original cast recordings. From shyly performing in front of my best friend to becoming the singer in my circle of friends, I eventually summoned the courage to sing and act in online open mics and for live auditions. Over time, I began to appreciate the finer details of acting - the intricate work that goes into character construction, the attention that we pay to every detail - talking, moving, breathing.

So fast forward to 2021, well, I appreciated the work that went into acting. It didn't necessarily mean that I knew what to do when audition sides were thrown at me. Hence, I took the next logical step and put myself in an acting class. It was one of the most illuminating experiences I've ever had and truly, I felt my consciousness and awareness grow so much in that short 4 weeks of lessons. Thereafter, I continued my training with as many seasonal workshops and masterclasses as I could - right as Singapore plunged into its second lockdown. As an actor, I felt a lot more ready to meet auditions and shoots head on. Having friends to discuss the philosophies and the psychologies of acting also refined my personal technique, and I also felt empowered to continue on this journey with a stronger sense of direction. Learning about being specific in acting class helped me in more ways than one!

Channeling every waking moment to a singular cause can be exhausting. There are some days where I just feel drained and I have to drag myself to work so that I can earn enough cash for my next acting class. There are days when I have second thoughts about being a theatre major and dedicating so much time to the craft. And there are days where I stare at audition sides and my mind goes blank, and whatever training I've ever had just gets thrown out of the window. Through all of it, there's one constant: My love for acting burns bright, simply because it's living and feeling and being every angle of who I am. That's the one thing I hope I never lose.

At the end of the day, after a rather extraordinary six months feeling things I've never felt, I've emerged with a clearer perspective on life. From walking the streets selling training courses to the unemployed and the elderly, to walking the next generation back to my student care center and upholding the many legacies of teachers whom I have had the honor of learning from, the school of hard knocks have definitely made me a better and more self-aware person. I now understand the world a little better, and at the same time, I got to know myself a lot more too. Though our promised graduation trip had gone up in smoke for now, the next best alternative proved to be just as exhilarating.

In three weeks, I close this chapter of my life and start writing another. Some say that this 8-month block between Junior College and University will be the time of your life and the peak of everything before you start on a 50-year journey downhill. It's a claim that looks to the future with despair and resignation. Well, I beg to differ. I chose a path, and no matter how much harder it is compared to an easy flight up the corporate ladder, I chose to live a life where I meet new twists and turns every day, both in my imagination and in reality - and this is just the beginning of my journey.